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Love
The Truth About Feng Shui and Love
Although spring takes most of the credit, social scientists say that it is really in the autumn that a young man’s – and everyone else’s – fancy turn to love. Perhaps it is because the idea of the long, cold nights spent alone is so unappealing – or the prospect of a lonely holiday season spent by yourself saddens you or, scarier even, facing the relatives and endless gatherings without the support of a loved one. So now is the time to seek out new relationships or turn attention to nurturing the ones we already have. After all, basking in the love brings the sparkle into the season – and our lives. But, what do you do if the love seems to be eroding or is just not there?
Love is hard to define just as is the qi energy of Feng Shui but even if we don’t know how to define it, we do know the effects. And the Feng Shui in our homes does have a powerful effect on our love life.
It is easy to go on line or pick up a Western Feng Shui style book and read about the mandarin ducks, the placement of symbols of your love, crystals, candles, matching night stands and pictures of your lover in the room. And adding and using these objects and wishes may work – for a short time – because you put intention behind it and intention is a powerful thing. But they are also very generic and the problem with generic remedies is that they are so, well, generic and we and our relationships are not. Our situations are all different and so are our homes. In fact, there are 216 different house combinations with many more relationship qi energy combinations.
To find the love qi in our homes we need to do a compass based Feng Shui Flying Star audit. To do this we need a floor plan, a compass, a determination of the sitting and facing direction of the house, and the construction date of the house. Then we map out the qi energy or “fly the stars.” Complicated? Yes, a bit, but then, so are our relationships. Specific? Yes, an analysis can be very specific. For instance, an analysis can tell you if you are sleeping in your “Lonely Pillow” direction (which means you will be sleeping alone) or if the stars in your bedroom or main entrance are the cheating stars. There is a combination that defines a specific unequal relationship – when a woman is dominating the hen-pecked husband – and this cannot be remedied by making sure the night stands are equal! Feng Shui can tell you so much more about your love and relationships but it is something that cannot just be seen by looking around the room; it is the unseen qi analysis that will reveal all.
It is difficult for a trained compass based Feng Shui practitioner to give out generic advice because of the specificity that we can reach. Still, I agree with the Western Feng Shui practitioners that it is important to keep the bedroom and front entrance clutter free and to find symbols that will honor your love. But more important than this, is to take the time to love yourself and your loved ones. Simple acts of love and kindness can brighten your day and that of those you love. And when you are ready, give me a call and we can find out what is really going on in your love life.
Feng Shui And The Easter Bunny
Feng Shui and the Easter Bunny
My dog, Molly, brought me an Easter treat. She carefully, patiently and methodically removed four baby rabbits from their nest and brought them upstairs to our bedrooms. There were two for me and two for Margie. Safe, unhurt, sleeping peacefully, still so newly born that their eyes had not opened. I was not home at the time so I do not know how long it took or how many trips she took to align this present so perfectly for us but I can tell you how proud she was.
Of course, my first thought was how to get them home safely to their mom.
As I searched for the nest I couldn’t help thinking about Feng Shui and how it was originally – and still- used to find a location for a safe, prosperous house. There were concerns about being too high on a mountaintop, too low in the valley, which direction to face for beneficial light and, I would imagine, where not to be in the way of predators.
“Oh, rabbit,” I thought, “bad Feng Shui.”
I found the nest- in a low area in the garden that has bad drainage and gets flooded in the rains. Obviously in the way of the predator no matter how gentle she may be. Still, we can manage our Feng Shui and since I love to cure what needs to be cured… I put a border around the nest and do not water more than the area can handle with a thought to the baby bunnies. Soon they will be hopping around the yard and I will feel attached to them and then build a border around my garden so they do not eat the lettuce…
My dog died last night.
My dog died last night. I was not with him when it happened, I found him when I came home. I dropped my things near the door, went out to the garage, where he likes to hang out, and called for my honey honey honey. That is what I called him. That’s what I call Jack. Three honeys. He was there but he did not answer. I knew right away he was not sleeping. Jack is beautiful in sleep- he curls up and looks relaxed. His mouth softens and his body moves in rhythm with his breathing. When I look at him, I still see the beautiful puppy I fell in love with- for me, it was unconditional love at first sight.
But he was not like that Friday night.
Jack was not the perfect dog. But he was perfect for me. Jack was an independent soul and preferred to be alone. He never hovered but still he always let you know he was there. When Jack would come in at night he would walk right past me on his way to his bedroom – I would stop him and ask, “where’s my good night hugs?” and he would stay still while I nuzzled him. And then off he went to his to bed, to his own room. Even as a puppy Jack liked to sleep alone.
It was the same every morning – he would walk past me on his way to the back door, sigh and wait while I gave him morning hugs – and then, he would go out the door. If he was reticent about morning and evening hugs he was not about greeting me whenever I came home. Jack would be at the back door, dancing from foot to foot until I came out and gave him his hug. And after the quick nuzzle and hug he would turn and walk away.
He lived with my mother for a few months when I was traveling. She was not used to so independent a dog and felt ignored until the day she looked out the window and saw Jack look back at her. After that she said that every time she looked out the window she would see Jack turn his head and look right at her. She was newly widowed then and had been diagnosed with cancer. For her, Jack was a great comfort.
They took her to the hospital for treatment and she was there for over a week. The day she came home she sat in the kitchen surrounded by family and well wishers. But it was Jack who touched her heart. Despite the pain of dysplasia in both hind legs, Jack has gotten up on the bench outside the kitchen window and was staring in at her. He stayed there until she went out to him- then he turned and went back to snoozing under the gardenia bush.
He was the handsomest dog I ever saw. He always looked like he was smiling and his eyes were black ringed so it looked like he had an eyeliner thing going on. His coat was so thick that he never really shed like most dogs. It came out in clumps in the springtime. In winter, he looked like he was dressed in a fur coat.
Oh how Jack could sing- his voice was beautiful. He showed up all the dogs in the neighborhood with his voice – he would accompany the ice cream and fire trucks with their songs and sirens. I was amazed at his range and would almost always stop whatever I was doing to go out and watch him howl. Molly, my younger dog, cannot sing a note but when Jack gets to howling she would run over to him, watch him for a moment and then try to join in. Molly’s talents lay elsewhere but oh, could Jack sing.
I felt safe with Jack around. I remember the time when a man with violent eyes tried to open my car door when I was stopped at a light. And the time the stranger wandered into my back yard when I was alone and in the shower. Jack was there- I was protected. He could go from strength to gentleness. I remember the time I was quite sick, I don’t remember with what, but Jack, who never liked sleeping in a room with anybody, jumped on my bed and lay at my feet. In truth, he did not last long – but you could tell he tried. Instead he slept outside my bedroom door until I was once again myself. He never did that again.
He loved Clancey, my cat. He never hung with her, I never saw them play but if he heard a cat howl or cats fighting he would go mad, trying to jump the fence or break down the door to get to her. He would not stop until I went outside and found her. I would have to bring her to Jack and show him that she was okay. Jack would sniff her; Clancey would swipe him and then he would go back to his blanket and sleep. Sometimes Clancey would follow when Jack and I went for a walk. Jack would always wait patiently for her to catch up. And if another cat would stalk Clance because she was in its territory, well it was my arm that suffered in trying to hold him back. Nothing was going to hurt his cat while he was around!
Jack was twelve years and two months when he died. They tell me it was a long life for a dog. I find little comfort in that. But I know that Jack wanted to be here and I think he was happy with me and I know I was happy to have him. He fought to live- born on Valentine’s Day, he was left to die on a cold sidewalk right after being born. His mother and two brothers died but Jack lived. I nursed him through parvo when he was a puppy and just when he had conquered that, a Rottweiler attached him and he almost died again. Six months later two other dogs attacked him. At six years he was diagnosed with hip dysplasia in both hind legs and this may have slowed him down but never killed his spirit.
He was the master of escape. Which I suppose was a bit of a quandary for him because he really loved his home. I would get home from work, pull in the driveway and find Jack lying in my or my neighbor’s front lawn. He would trot over to me and greet me with his dance and seem to say. “I can go whenever I want but I want to be here.” No matter how much attention my neighbor and I would pay to the fence, Jack could escape at will. At this point, at his advanced age, I would have thought he would have gotten over his need to escape but even a few months ago he did it again. We were in a new neighborhood, I don’t think he knew how to get home and he was lost. I was frantic. But I found him a few blocks away, patiently waiting until I came to get him.
He tried to escape recently. But instead he got tangled in some chain link and garden wire and was unable to move. The wire was wrapped around his neck and body. I got home late, it was dark and cold. He didn’t come when I came in the house. I went to the back and heard a small yelp. Jack, get over here – but he didn’t come. He couldn’t move or even sit. I don’t know if he was in pain or in fear but he was in total trust. He waited patiently– I told him to wait- and I ran and woke up my wonderful 80 year old neighbor who came over with wire cutters to release him. It was complicated and took time, but Jack stood patiently until he was freed. He did not struggle, he did not whine. He was patient and gracious.
Jack was always gracious. My sister called him a gentleman. Whenever she came to visit he would rise like a gentleman greeting a lady. You could tell that this was a painful act for him; his back legs were working hard to support him.
Jack was never in a kennel, I never left him with strangers. His last overnight stay at the vet’s office ended in an early morning phone call from them. They said, “ I don’t think he likes us, he wants to go home.” I wanted him home, too. He could not get in the car anymore and he would not tolerate anyone helping him, not even me. He had to be sedated. I wondered and fretted what would I do when I had to take him to the vet again.
My spirit has grown restless. I want to travel. But I would never have left Jack behind. And I think Jack was getting restless, too. I think he wanted to run again, to be the free spirit that was before the dysplasia got so bad. For a few months now I felt the light leaving him. He was still my boy in the way that he always was, and he had that smile, but the light was leaving. He did not want to go for walks, he did not want to play, he was sleeping more and more. The night before he died he heard Clancey cry out in the front yard. I had to get her to show him so he would stop barking. The morning he died he sang such a beautiful song that went on and on and I, as usual, went out to listen. The night he died, I cried. I am crying still.
He left me quickly and as graciously as he could. We buried him today. I was asked to say a few words.
All I could say was, “I love you, Jack.”
Added note: I just got off the phone with my friend, Jack (not my dog.) It seems that Hurricane, his dog, died the same day as Jack did. I would like to honor Hurricane as well. Both of them were deeply loved and my friend Jack and I know we were blessed by Hurricane’s and Jack’s presence in our lives.
The Gift of Receiving 2
Valentine’s Day has become a 14 billion dollar a year industry. That is a staggering amount and it does not take a cynical person to ask if you can really put a price on love. I am not so unrealistic or immune to the charms and effects of Valentine’s gifts that I would ever suggest the banning of gifts. I know that gift giving is a physical and symbolic gesture of what is in the heart. I am a sucker for flowers and am very appreciative of chocolates. I have often been the recipient of them. I have also been the recipient of the dreaded gifts, the thing to measure tire pressure and a drill. The thing is- although I did not find the drill very romantic, I was touched by the thought behind it. I had just bought a house and my boyfriend wanted me to feel competent to handle repairs. It took me a moment but I looked beyond the gift and looked at the intent. When I know a gift truly comes from the heart and not from a sense of obligation, then it really does not matter what the gift is.
I am very understanding of the pressure that this billion dollar industry puts on us, especially men. It is not uncommon to see an advertisement with a man contemplating what it would take to keep him out of the doghouse. And I think these advertisements demean love both for women and men. I believe men want to please and I am sure that the prospect of being in or out of the doghouse is not the best way to encourage or direct your man.
So, what is the best way? I think, perhaps, it is by acknowledging and exploring our natural gifts. And for us women, one major gift is the gift of receptivity.
Typically, women have mastered the art of giving. Women give their hearts, their bodies and souls, their time, energy, smiles, comfort and love with little regard to boundaries. Most women do not need more practice in giving, but so many women do need to learn to receive and allow others to give to them.
Start small. Instead of brushing off a compliment, or denigrating yourself when one is offered, smile gracefully and own it. Accepting the compliments, the gifts, the goodies and acknowledgements from others will do a lot to allow the energy of giving to turn into the energy of receiving. Become observant of this internal challenge and know that receiving turns into an act of love which turns again to give us the strength to give. There is nobility, pride, and strength to the art of receiving. It is a gift to you, the female, for all the giving you have done by just being.
I hope you get what you want for Valentine’s Day. But above all, I hope you get love.
The Gift of Receiving
I sometimes wonder if we really need Valentine’s Day. After all, those who are in love know that love is around them everywhere and at all times and they do not need a special day to affirm their love. Or, do they?
There must be love and true magic in the air around February 14. Even before St. Valentine came into the picture around 270AD, the Greek and Roman cultures had their festivals of love and fertility. The Lupercalia festival in ancient Rome was the official beginning of spring and it began on February 15. This was a festival of fertility and purification.
Purification first, quite similar to what we do in Feng Shui de-cluttering and space clearing. Houses were swept and ritually cleaned. Salt was sprinkled around the interior to purify and then spelt was sprinkled in corners to assure harvest and fertility. (Salt and sprinkling of rice has been used in Feng Shui space clearing practices for centuries.) Afterwards, the bachelors picked one woman to be devoted to for the year and swore to love, woo and protect her. True, this actually happened by lottery or picking a name out of an urn but many marriages did in fact come out of this. It’s natural – the yin and the yang, the coming together of the male and the female energy.
This natural union and the creation of a family energy is so powerful a force that it can threaten governments! Emperor Claudius found this to be true. He was so incensed that Roman men would rather stay home with their wives and children then go to war and conquer other lands that he outlawed marriage. I guess it is hard to create an army when the men would rather be lovers than fighters.
This is where St. Valentine stepped in. There are many legends and there were actually three known saints called Valentine and they all symbolize love. The most popular legend is that the priest Valentine continued to perform the marriage ceremony despite it being outlawed by Claudius. Once caught, Valentine was thrown into prison and sentenced to a rather painful death. While in prison he fell in love with the jailer’s daughter and wrote her a goodbye letter signed, “love from your valentine.” Ironically, the oldest known Valentine poem still in existence was written by another imprisoned man, Charles, Duke of Orleans, in 1415, who was languishing in the Tower of London for his actions against Henry V.
Valentine was actually not made a saint for another 250 years. The Church was becoming more powerful and Pope Gelasius decided the Roman lottery system for picking partners and the fertility festivals that surrounded the event were not very Christian and he outlawed both. But legends and festivals do not easily die so in 498 AD he officially declared February 14 the day of celebration for St. Valentine and the marriage union that we know now was firmly established.
Later, in the middle ages, it was a common belief that mid-February was the beginning of the mating season for birds and this again reinforced the date of February 14 for lovers. And we, too, recognize February 14 as the day to celebrate our love.
It seems to me that if the history of Valentine’s Day tells us anything it is that the spirit of love endures no matter what religious or political manifestations it takes. The world of nature recognizes it. We humans recognize it. We need it.
I wish you love. And Happy Valentines.
Winter Lights
We had a winter storm last week. The power went out for almost 24 hours. Outside it was so dark and gloomy while inside there was a roaring fire and enough wood to keep it going.
There is something very primal about sitting before a fire. It can be romantic, yes, but it goes way beyond that. We are transfixed by fireplaces. We stare at the flames and wander off on internal journeys, often not remembering where the fire has taken us.
Fire keeps us warm; it keeps the wolves away from the door and helps deliver us from the dark. We cook over fire. Flames are guides, beacons, symbolic of a shining hope, of honor and eternal light.
That night we lit candles of all kinds throughout the house- tapers, tea-lights, pillars, short, squat, colored, white, spiraled and circular. The house was illuminated brighter than it ever was with electric power. It got me thinking about our need and desire for light on physical and energetic levels.
We need light. Without it our mental and physical bodies suffer. In northern countries where the nights seem to last most of the day a large number of the population suffer from SAD – the acronym is certainly suggestive of the mood. Without sunlight our bodies cannot make vitamin D. This can impair the metabolism of calcium affecting our bones and nervous system. Thus, our very structure, suffers. In countries and states where there is more rain than sun, more cases of depression are reported.
The need for light is in our vernacular. We want to “shed some light on the situation” and hope for enlightenment. We want to brighten things up, cast some light on the issue, maybe illuminate the subject and chase away the shadows. We want to lighten up, make light of the matter. Lovers can see the love light in their partner’s eye and the smile and thoughts of a love one lighten up our days. Kind acts make our hearts feel lighter.
And just as much as we need light, we need the darkness. We need to go deep within ourselves to find those areas we need to illuminate. In Feng Shui we look at this as the balance of yin and yang. Yin takes us inwards, to the dark places of inner exploration. Once there, we begin the journey back to the yang, to the more active, outward expressions of what we found internally.
Winter is dark, the most yin time of the year. We instinctively go inwards and deeper into our selves and, like the trees we anchor in and put down roots. We are more contemplative, introspective, we slow down, we plan and we acknowledge the depths of our being. There is truly nothing more powerful than to take the time to examine what we hold within, what we hold dear and what we fear.
The Feng Shui Bagua is a wonderful, practical and inclusive tool to help us on our inner journey. It is a guide. The eight essential life desires are laid out in a grid around the center point of unity. Both a physical and inner journey around our home, around the bagua, will bring an awareness of the aspects of our lives that need the energy of light. Ask yourself some questions. Go within and examine your inner feelings and knowingness. Where are you cluttering, what areas of the house are you avoiding or feeling uncomfortable being in? Are there areas where you feel a strong loving energy or perhaps is there a room where the family squabbles seem to always take place?
Asking these questions and listening to the answers gives clarity to the aspects of our lives that we need to examine to become lighter, balanced and yes, happier and more fulfilled. Where is the light and where is the dark? What parts of our lives are we avoiding? Perhaps conscious awareness of this is akin to shining the light on those dark areas. This is where we need the most illumination.
Moving from the darkness to the light is an incredibly powerful and transformative experience. Whenever I feel blocked, stuck or not as light as I want to be I take this inner journey through my outer space of my home. I feel as if my inner fire is stoked and the wolves will stay away from my door.
Be Still!
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Feng Shui may be all about balance and harmony and the gentle flow of chi, but, let’s face it, the holidays aren’t. And some of us wouldn’t have it any other way. This is the time of year when we truly welcome the surprises, the hustle and bustle, the last minute rush and the chaotic comings and goings. Our social life picks up at a dizzying speed, we take on more than we thought we could and we handle the stresses more gracefully than before. At least, we usually do. But we are not getting closer to controlling the rushing around of people all around us. There will be lines in the stores, the banks and the post offices. Traffic will be heavier than usual. People will be kinder, people will be greedier. People will get to us. At least, they will some of the time. And the first thing that we tend to do over the holidays is to neglect ourselves and the ones closest to us. There is no fault in this, no blame. But it comes with the territory of being too busy, stressed, and overloaded, even if it is a wonderful overload. What we can do, everyday, is create a space for ourselves where we touch the inner calmness, the stillness that brings inner peace. Take time for yoga or exercise class, practice deep breathing, find a moment alone where you can relax in a hot bubble bath. Find a nook where all is quiet and you can drink herbal tea or hot chocolate in peace. Take time to stare into a roaring fire or walk along the beach. It doesn’t matter- just take time to do nothing, to just be, to connect with that inner stillness. And the reality is, the more we are able to do this the more we are able to sail through the craziness that is happening all around us. Be still. |
It feels incredibly wonderful to be abundant.
My many years of practicing Feng Shui has taught me that asking people what abundance means to them is like asking what is the true meaning of Christmas. No answer is really wrong, but there are some that just feel more right than others.
It feels incredibly wonderful to be abundant. Abundance is a gift, a blessing, and a joy. It is the ultimate expression of the yin energy, the female energy, the energy of receiving. This energy is so powerful that the ancient Feng Shui practitioners simply called it “Fortunate Blessings.”
So, since women are the embodiment of yin energy, abundance theoretically should flow easily to all women. But it just doesn’t always seem to. Sometimes this lack can be an illusion – abundance is all around but if we are not mindfully aware we may not see the abundance and the beauty around us. Sometimes it is not an illusion – on a financial level we may not be seeing the money flow in as easily as we had hoped. And then we wonder, do we really have to struggle so much? No, we don’t. We can let go and let things flow.
There is an area, a gua, in our homes that attract and hold the energy of abundance. We can activate this area to bring in the chi, the energy of abundance, with colors, symbols, shapes and intention. But more important, there is a part of us that can hold and attract abundance if we are open to it.
Typically, women have mastered the art of giving. Women give their hearts, their bodies and souls, their time, energy, smiles, comfort and love with little regard to boundaries. Most women do not need more practice in giving, but so many women do need to learn to receive and allow others to give to them. Start small. Instead of brushing off a compliment, or denigrating yourself when one is offered, smile gracefully and own it. Accepting the compliments, the gifts, the goodies and acknowledgements from others will do a lot to allow the energy of giving to turn into the energy of receiving. Become observant of this internal challenge and know that receiving turns into abundance which again turns into the giving. There is nobility, pride, and strength to the art of receiving. It is a gift to you, the female, for all the giving you have done by just being.
In ancient times, the emperors, nobility, royals and spiritual leaders were experts at receiving. It was understood- it was their due. Everyone got the order of things; that abundance belonged to higher mortals and all things flowed naturally and easily to them. Collective beliefs made it so. It was no mistake that the representative colors of abundance were worn solely by the higher ranks. In fact, it was against the law for anyone but the emperor to wear the beautiful golden color that universally represents wealth and abundance. The color purple was also reserved for the nobles and those with loftier spiritual pursuits than the common man or woman. Today we intellectually know that none of us are disqualified from receiving the gifts of the universe. We only need to be open to the receiving.
The understanding of abundance is evolutionary thought. The pendulum swings from excess to less is more. Too much leads to clutter; not enough leads to unfulfilled desires. Too much food leads to obesity, while too little food leads to malnutrition and starvation. Too many choices lead to indecision; too little leads to lack of freedom, creativity and expression. There is a difference between wanting to have and knowing if you need it, it will be there.
In Feng Shui we open our homes to the energy of abundance by enhancing our southwest corner with personal symbols of abundance. We add beautiful shades of purples and golds that suggest richer energies. We keep this area clean and clutter free to allow the chi of abundance unrestricted flow. Internally, we open our hearts to receiving the gifts of the universe. And we live with the understanding that true abundance comes from knowing that we do have a choice to receive the opportunities of abundance that flow all around us.
Feng Shui and The First Date
Feng Shui and The First Date
So tonight is your first date with a guy you really like and you’re feeling a little apprehensive about going out. And maybe you’re thinking “I’m not going to invite him into my home on the first date anyway, why should I bother with Feng Shui now?”
Well, since you are dating, you have already started putting out your intentions and attending to Feng Shui consciously or not. Just like in the movie “Field of Dreams” the principle of “Build it and they will com
e” applies here. Your home is your Field of Dreams. So, by enhancing your home with the intent of bringing forth romance, partnership, and love, love will appear. When you create space in your home for love you create space for love in your heart.
Before you go out your door you probably check yourself in the mirror. Start looking at your home as a reflection of yourself as well, and check it out for the energy of love. Peruse the front door, kitchen,
and bedroom. When you first walk in, what do you see?
- Is your entrance way inviting?
- Do you see beauty?
- Is the kitchen clean
with a sense of bountiful abundance? - Is the bedroom romantic, soft and warm?
Remember, first impressions are very important. Put yourself in the man’s shoes for a minute. As you walk
into your home and look at all the rooms ask yourself “If I were a man would I feel comfortable with the woman who lives here?” The first step is to take care of the obvious. Make sure your space is clean, uncluttered and (bad) odor free.
Whether you will be returning home alone or have an enchanting man in tow, knowing these basics are
covered can do a lot to reduce first night jitters and tensions. After all, you have enough to talk about
besides making excuses for the dirty dishes all over the house!
Once you’ve checked yourself in the mirror, both literally and figuratively, and you’re feeling good about yourself and your home, you’re ready to go out your date. But you still feel a bit off-center and nervous. What to do? You can use the power of symbols and intent to calm and center you. Look to the Bagua and the Elements for what you need. Here are some tips and you can customize them to suit the unique person that you are:
Use the elements; if you feel like you need to be a bit more anchored take one of your favorite stones with you, either set in jewelry or in its natural state. An earth- tone stone will give you a sense of solid centeredness.
If you feel lackluster and want to add a little fire you can put on a red scarf and accessorize with something sparkly.
Want to feel sexy? Put on that sexy black or animal print bra and go with the feeling!
If you feel like you’re just out there all by yourself and you need some support tonight, look to the helpful people area of the Bagua. Carry a picture or symbol of someone who supports you
in your handbag . It could be a friend, parent, Spiritual guide or even a card from the local taxi service.
Take a deep breath. You’re centered with sparkle and fire. Enjoy the journey, and happy dating!
Thank you for reading my blog.