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Love

The Truth About Feng Shui and Love

dreamstimefree_37481Although spring takes most of the credit, social scientists say that it is really in the autumn that a young man’s – and everyone else’s – fancy turn to love.  Perhaps it is because the idea of the long, cold nights spent alone is so unappealing – or the prospect of a lonely holiday season spent by yourself saddens you or, scarier even, facing the relatives and endless gatherings without the support of a loved one. So now is the time to seek out new relationships or turn attention to nurturing the ones we already have.  After all, basking in the love brings the sparkle into the season – and our lives.  But, what do you do if the love seems to be eroding or is just not there?

Love is hard to define just as is the qi energy of Feng Shui but even if we don’t know how to define it, we do know the effects.  And the Feng Shui in our homes does have a powerful effect on our love life.

It is easy to go on line or pick up a Western Feng Shui style book and read about the mandarin ducks, the placement of symbols of your love, crystals, candles, matching night stands and pictures of your lover in the room.  And adding and using these objects and wishes may work – for a short time – because you put intention behind it and intention is a powerful thing.  But they are also very generic and the problem with generic remedies is that they are so, well, generic and we and our relationships are not. Our situations are all different and so are our homes.  In fact, there are 216 different house combinations with many more relationship qi energy combinations.

To find the love qi in our homes we need to do a compass based Feng Shui Flying Star audit.  To do this we need a floor plan, a compass, a determination of the sitting and facing direction of the house, and the construction date of the house.  Then we map out the qi energy or “fly the stars.”   Complicated?  Yes, a bit, but then, so are our relationships.  Specific?  Yes, an analysis can be very specific.  For instance, an analysis can tell you if you are sleeping in your “Lonely Pillow” direction (which means you will be sleeping alone) or if the stars in your bedroom or main entrance are the cheating stars.  There is a combination that defines a specific unequal relationship – when a woman is dominating the hen-pecked husband – and this cannot be remedied by making sure the night stands are equal!  Feng Shui can tell you so much more about your love and relationships but it is something that cannot just be seen by looking around the room; it is the unseen qi analysis that will reveal all.

It is difficult for a trained compass based Feng Shui practitioner to give out generic advice because of the specificity that we can reach.  Still, I agree with the Western Feng Shui practitioners that it is important to keep the bedroom and front entrance clutter free and to find symbols that will honor your love.  But more important than this, is to take the time to love yourself and your loved ones.  Simple acts of love and kindness can brighten your day and that of those you love.  And when you are ready, give me a call and we can find out what is really going on in your love life.

The Anatomy of Emotion- Anger

Anger affects our bodies very differently. When we hold onto anger or take offense we lose this feeling of flow and instead feel tight, inflexible and constricted. We build a shield, a coat of armor to protect us from what has attacked our sense of happiness. But this shield is not protecting us. Internalizing anger makes us feel stuck, hard. The feeling of space disappears and we become smaller, isolated. Even our breathing, once effortless becomes difficult.

My little neighbor came home from school fuming over something her best friend did to her. She told me she would never talk to her again but the next day found them together playing in her backyard. Later I asked her what happened. She told me, with quite a serious look on her face, that being angry at her friend just hurt too much.

Holding onto anger is holding onto another piece of clutter, of past energies, of feelings that no longer serve. When we are angry we actually relinquish our power because the focus moves quickly beyond the issue to the holding on of emotions that do not make us feel good. Nothing takes us further away from being in the moment than the holding on of anger.

Feeling anger is natural. It is an emotion, a feeling, a barometer that helps us stay true to ethical and moral convictions. Anger is a message that something is not right. We need anger but we do not need to stay in anger. Anger is not foreign to love. We are only truly angry when we feel we are not being heard, when communication is being blocked. Staying in anger fuels these blockages.

Righteous anger can be used for the positive. Seeing an injustice and choosing to do something about it can be healing and life affirming. But holding the anger inside and not having the ability to create movement with or beyond it, is self-destructive. The anger becomes the issue rather than the act that caused the anger. The person we are angry with may feel the effects of our anger but never as strongly as we do!

The Anatomy of Emotion- Happiness

Anatomy may disagree with mom, it actually does take a few more muscles to smile than to frown, but it sure takes a lot more energy to stay mad than to be happy.

Happiness flows. It finds space inside of us and runs up and down the channels and meridian systems and smoothes out all the jagged edges. When we are happy, our bodies feel relaxed, flexible, and we experience an ease of movement. We feel alive and spacious. Understandable then that the Sanskrit word for happiness, Sukha, is also translated as unobstructed space. And this suggests that perhaps happiness is an energy that is felt when it is allowed to move freely.

Being happy creates space. It creates space for the energy of happiness, joy and love to flow. It allows movement, creativity and expansion. Happiness is infectious and we know that smiles and laughter brighten the hearts of those who give, receive and even observe these gestures of happiness.

Intentions and Relative Positioning

All western and modern Feng Shui schools recognize the power of intention and attraction in creating the life you want. The secret was never a secret to those who practice conscious Feng Shui. Having beneficial chi flow through your home and environment is so coupled with the idea of raising your vibration to attract loving partners and situations that there is no clear cut way to determine whether the internal or external Feng Shu came first. When good, kind, loving things happen to you, your view of your environment changes, when your environment changes for the better, you also change for the better. No matter where you stand in the debate doesn’t matter (is this the chicken and the egg question?), when you consider that it is all about enhancing the quality of your life.

The Black Sect Tantric Buddhist School of Feng Shui aka Black Hat Feng Shui has an official Theory of Relative Positioning. It states that the closer a part of the environment is to you, the more impact it has on your chi. Since nothing is closer to you than your body and mind, the first step is the understanding that you can change your inner thoughts and belief patterns to those that create a positive, receptive, harmonious energetic flow. This is the art and skill of using your emotions, thoughts, words, intention and attention to strengthen and give power to a positive view of your immediate inner and outer environment and give less attention to those vibrations that weaken your or bring you down. By doing this we create the environment which can attract the kind of love we want.

It is difficult to continually monitor one’s thoughts but with practice it is very do-able. And it is of course easier when everywhere you look in your home you are surrounded by things that uplift your heart and soul. We have often spoken about the need to surround yourself with things you love in order to bring you constant reminders of joy when you look around your home.

Feel the love and beauty that is around you. And one powerful Feng Shui tip to aid you in your quest– pay attention to where your mirrors are positioned and what they are reflecting. Mirrors that face the outside and bring in images of traffic going by or dark corners of the house just bring in more of that energy. Love what is being reflected and your life will become a reflection of love.

So, during this Lunar New Year time continue to work on heightening your thoughts, energy and vibrations. This will only attract more vibrations of love to you.

Continuing the ranking of those environmental areas that affect you and your personal chi are: bed, bedroom, home, yard, neighborhood, city, county, world and the universe.

Winter Lights

We had a winter storm last week. The power went out for almost 24 hours. Outside it was so dark and gloomy while inside there was a roaring fire and enough wood to keep it going.

There is something very primal about sitting before a fire. It can be romantic, yes, but it goes way beyond that. We are transfixed by fireplaces. We stare at the flames and wander off on internal journeys, often not remembering where the fire has taken us.

Fire keeps us warm; it keeps the wolves away from the door and helps deliver us from the dark. We cook over fire. Flames are guides, beacons, symbolic of a shining hope, of honor and eternal light.

That night we lit candles of all kinds throughout the house- tapers, tea-lights, pillars, short, squat, colored, white, spiraled and circular. The house was illuminated brighter than it ever was with electric power. It got me thinking about our need and desire for light on physical and energetic levels.
We need light. Without it our mental and physical bodies suffer. In northern countries where the nights seem to last most of the day a large number of the population suffer from SAD – the acronym is certainly suggestive of the mood. Without sunlight our bodies cannot make vitamin D. This can impair the metabolism of calcium affecting our bones and nervous system. Thus, our very structure, suffers. In countries and states where there is more rain than sun, more cases of depression are reported.

The need for light is in our vernacular. We want to “shed some light on the situation” and hope for enlightenment. We want to brighten things up, cast some light on the issue, maybe illuminate the subject and chase away the shadows. We want to lighten up, make light of the matter. Lovers can see the love light in their partner’s eye and the smile and thoughts of a love one lighten up our days. Kind acts make our hearts feel lighter.
And just as much as we need light, we need the darkness. We need to go deep within ourselves to find those areas we need to illuminate. In Feng Shui we look at this as the balance of yin and yang. Yin takes us inwards, to the dark places of inner exploration. Once there, we begin the journey back to the yang, to the more active, outward expressions of what we found internally.

Winter is dark, the most yin time of the year. We instinctively go inwards and deeper into our selves and, like the trees we anchor in and put down roots. We are more contemplative, introspective, we slow down, we plan and we acknowledge the depths of our being. There is truly nothing more powerful than to take the time to examine what we hold within, what we hold dear and what we fear.

The Feng Shui Bagua is a wonderful, practical and inclusive tool to help us on our inner journey. It is a guide. The eight essential life desires are laid out in a grid around the center point of unity. Both a physical and inner journey around our home, around the bagua, will bring an awareness of the aspects of our lives that need the energy of light. Ask yourself some questions. Go within and examine your inner feelings and knowingness. Where are you cluttering, what areas of the house are you avoiding or feeling uncomfortable being in? Are there areas where you feel a strong loving energy or perhaps is there a room where the family squabbles seem to always take place?

Asking these questions and listening to the answers gives clarity to the aspects of our lives that we need to examine to become lighter, balanced and yes, happier and more fulfilled. Where is the light and where is the dark? What parts of our lives are we avoiding? Perhaps conscious awareness of this is akin to shining the light on those dark areas. This is where we need the most illumination.

Moving from the darkness to the light is an incredibly powerful and transformative experience. Whenever I feel blocked, stuck or not as light as I want to be I take this inner journey through my outer space of my home. I feel as if my inner fire is stoked and the wolves will stay away from my door.

Love Through The Holidays: the Feng Shui Way

The holidays are a wonderful time of entertaining, partying, gift giving and sharing with family, friends and people that will soon become more than strangers.  At the same time, everybody knows
that the holidays are traditionally the most stressful time of the year.  Here come the in-laws and the outlaws, the dizzy aunt and the grumpy uncle, the brother who used to pull your hair and the sister who always seemed to get more than you.  Add to that the office parties, the endless fruit cakes and intake of high calorie treats, the money rolling out, the credit cards adding up and where has the time gone?  What’s happening?  This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, the most loving time of the year, the most joyous time of the year.

The simple truth is holidays don’t have to be a stressful time.  Your knowledge and application of Feng Shui can bring back the magic, love and appreciation of the blessings the season has to give.

Many of our stresses are habitual.   We tend to throw ourselves back into the past, into roles that no longer serve us.  Since the memories of the holidays are so strong in the collective memory of each member of the family there is a tendency to hold onto the past.  We can cherish the past but also honor where we are now – a mature person who has grown and moved forward from the days of old.

  • Imagine relating to others as the person you are now not as the timid and shy girl who hid in the corner.

  • Imagine knowing how to acknowledge the opinion of others without having to argue, judge or defend.

  • Imagine being able to bless and forgive those who hurt you in past – after all, you have the gift of growth while others may still be stuck in patterns you have long outgrown.

  • Imagine not having to apologize for you who are

  • Imagine feeling okay if the dinner didn’t turn out perfectly or it looks like Charlie Brown was your decorator


As you continue to build and apply your Feng Shui knowledge you can go from imagining to being.   You are an original and there will never be another you.  This, in itself, makes you worthy of love.  And the one person you really need to receive love from is you.  Imagine that possibility!  Because once you love yourself you can only attract others who love you as well. It’s law.

Remember, your home and the objects in it are a metaphor for you and your life.  So if there are things in there that you do not love and/or do not make you happy when you look at the, let them go.  Donate them, throw them out, or put them in storage if you are not ready.  Re-read the article on de-cluttering and make a start on clearing out the old.   Imagine the old stories, the need to please and the need to be perfect going out the door with the discarded items.

Surround yourself with what you love and what strengthens you and you will grow strong with internal love.   One of my favorite tips-

Make sure that the first thing you look at in the morning is something you find beautiful.  This can be a picture, a sculpture, or the way the sunlight shines on the wall.


Tune in next week and we will take a walk around the bagua together, finding ways to bring the beauty and love seamlessly into your holiday season.

Feng Shui and The First Date


Feng Shui and The First Date

So tonight is your first date with a guy you really like and you’re feeling a little apprehensive about going out.  And maybe you’re thinking “I’m not going to invite him into my home on the first date anyway, why should I bother with Feng Shui now?”

Well, since you are dating, you have already started putting out your intentions and attending to Feng Shui consciously or not.  Just like in the movie “Field of Dreams” the principle of “Build it and they will come” applies here.  Your home is your Field of Dreams.  So, by enhancing   your home with the intent of bringing forth romance, partnership, and love, love will appear.   When you create space in your home for love you create space for love in your heart.

Before you go out your door you probably check yourself in the mirror.  Start looking at your home as a reflection of yourself as well, and check it out for the energy of love.   Peruse the front door, kitchen,
and bedroom
.  When you first walk in, what do you see?

  • Is your entrance way inviting?
  • Do you see beauty?
  • Is the kitchen clean
    with a sense of bountiful abundance?
  • Is the bedroom romantic, soft and warm?

Remember, first impressions are very important. Put yourself in the man’s shoes for a minute.  As you walk
into your home and look at all the rooms ask yourself “If I were a man would I feel comfortable with the woman who lives here?”  The first step is to take care of the obvious.  Make sure your space is clean, uncluttered and (bad) odor free.

Whether you will be returning home alone or have an enchanting man in tow, knowing these basics are
covered can do a lot to reduce first night jitters and tensions.  After all, you have enough to talk about
besides making excuses for the dirty dishes all over the house!
Once you’ve checked yourself in the mirror, both literally and figuratively, and you’re feeling good about yourself and your home, you’re ready to go out your date.  But you still feel a bit off-center and nervous.  What to do?  You can use the power of symbols and intent to calm and center you.  Look to the Bagua and the Elements for what you need.  Here are some tips and you can customize them to suit the unique person that you are:

Use the elements; if you feel like you need to be a bit more anchored take one of your favorite stones with you, either set in jewelry or in its natural state. An earth- tone stone will give you a sense of solid centeredness.

If you feel lackluster and want to add a little fire you can put on a red scarf and accessorize with something sparkly.

Want to feel sexy? Put on that sexy black or animal print bra and go with the feeling!

If you feel like you’re just out there all by yourself and you need some support tonight, look to the helpful people area of the Bagua. Carry a picture or symbol of someone who supports you
in your handbag .  It could be a friend, parent, Spiritual guide or even a card from the local taxi service.

Take a deep breath. You’re centered with sparkle and fire. Enjoy the journey, and happy dating!

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